R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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