I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
