Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
