NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
