chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
