i barfeds in our rink
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
