just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
