Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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