It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
