remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
