Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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