I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Boobs speak an international language.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
