his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
