Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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