hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
pop tarts are not kleenex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
