if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
