I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
