I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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