mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
