I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
