I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
