I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Randomize
