She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
