things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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