I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
