people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
