Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
