i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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