Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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