The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
