Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize