I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
