Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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