I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
