I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
