just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
