somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
