She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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