so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
