He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pooping to opera.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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