We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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