the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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