Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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