I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
