I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
