Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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