I feel great
I just peed on a car
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
