By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
