I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
