Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
