I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
