dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
