you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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