just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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