i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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