All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Less talking, more tequila
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
