I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
